He Became Everything

By Nefertiti Thomas

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Original Oil painting by Author

A love story that never made sense, but changed everything.

They asked me,
“What made you fall in love with him?”

How do I even answer that question?

Does anyone really know how it happens?
Because I don’t.

I wish I knew what it was that makes the heart yearn the way it does —
the thing that grips your soul when you least expect it,
upending everything you thought you knew.

It’s beautiful when it’s mutual,
when it unfolds like some unspoken agreement between two souls.
I’ve experienced it a couple of times, and I can tell you —
without having taken any illicit substances —
it’s a high unlike anything else.

We met online during the pandemic.

The moment we matched, I felt something. A flicker. A knowing.
We started messaging right away, and the conversation flowed effortlessly,
like we were slipping into a rhythm that had always existed.
Within a few messages, dinner was set for Friday.

Having been housebound for months, it was time to put myself back out there.
The world was opening up again, and for the first time in a long time, it almost felt normal.

It’s rare for anyone to ask for dinner on a first date — especially on Tinder.
Nobody wants to be stuck eating with somebody they don’t like for an entire meal.
But we spoke on the phone before meeting, and when I heard his voice,
it only confirmed what I already felt.

That week, I lined up two other dates before Friday —
because that’s what we’re told to do as women.
Keep your options open. Circular dating.
Don’t put all your eggs in one basket.

And I’ll tell you —
it’s easy to follow that advice when you’re not invested.

The dates were fine — both gentlemen, both kind, both respectful.
One was clearly looking for his weekly fix, and I wasn’t about to be the answer.

By Friday, I was electric with anticipation.
I had carefully stalked all his socials — even a Wikipedia page.
On paper, he was everything I wanted: handsome, successful, but with an edge.

His tattoos covered him from head to toe, except for his face,
and I could tell that something dark from his past still lingered beneath the surface.

I found that alluring.
I wanted to know everything.

At 7:50 p.m. sharp, he pulled up outside my apartment in the Valley.
A black Porsche. All black clothes. A hat pulled low.
The serious expression in his photos melted into a smile when he saw me,
and just like that — electricity shot through my body.

On the drive to the restaurant, he touched my leg.
I should have minded. I usually would have.
But with him, it felt inevitable.

Over dinner, we talked about life, astrology, my daughter.
He asked a lot of questions, but looking back, I realize now —
he never revealed much about himself.

Maybe that was what pulled me in.

Over the next few years, I slowly came to understand this mystery of a man.
He was detached, reserved, and worked constantly.
Our calls were brief, and though I spent so much time trying to understand him,
it seemed like the closer we got, the more he pulled away.

I spoke to tarot readers, psychics,
and even whispered his name into my daily affirmations,
as if I could will him closer.

But sometimes, no matter how strong the connection,
you can’t create enough safety to heal someone’s past.

I know now that he was always deeply wounded
from a childhood he was lucky to survive.
I thought that if I showed up enough for him,
if I loved him the right way,
maybe he’d let me in one day.

That day never came, and eventually —
I had to walk away.

Not because I didn’t love him.
Not because I didn’t want to try.
But because it became far too painful.

Love has never made sense to me.
It doesn’t follow logic, and it doesn’t care about patterns or preferences.
He was nothing like anyone I had ever been with before —
and yet, somehow, he became everything.

I loved him with all my heart.
Not because he was perfect.
Not because it was easy.
But because love isn’t about checking boxes.
It’s a force of its own — wild and uncontainable.

And though we are nothing now,
though the story has long since ended,
I have no regrets.

Originally published on Medium https://medium.com/@nefertitithomas1/he-became-everything-75332507e1eb